Dress Codes
The worst thing about party season
I wrote this last year but failed to launch my Substack in time to send it. Now, as the anxiety inducing invites start to arrive again, I thought it appropriate to share.
I’m never the most rock and roll person at a party but I do like to think I can be a bit of a rebel when it comes to dress codes. The main reason for this is that I rarely have any clue what they mean.
I tend to go safe and sensible in some variation of an all black ensemble. What meaningful insult can you throw at that?
Yet, as I continue on a perpetual quest to better myself, I thought I would have a go at understanding a bit more about these so called codes for dressing.
Let’s explore some of the most common ones before looking at some examples that should result in the cancellation of all parties, ever.
Dress code: Cocktail
What should I go as? A piña colada? A mojito? I really don’t think a limey/minty green is my colour. I think cocktail actually means the same as black tie but I’m not sure. I don’t want to go through the ordeal of putting on a tuxedo only to find out everyone is comfortable in a summer linen and shorts.
Dress code: Party
Am I to attend as a clown? A balloon? A birthday cake? Truth be told, most of the parties I do go to don’t involve any clothes at all. (I’m joking mum). Absolutely baffled by this one. I suppose it’s just saying please make some effort at the very least.
Dress code: Smart Casual
The worst one of them all. Not only is it vaguely contradictory but also, who on earth leaves the house in anything less than smart casual?! Smart casual is my dress code for a quick run to Greggs or the off license.
Now onto some of the worst offenders of all time…
Dress code: Fabulous
Imagine having the self-confidence to turn up thinking you have achieved this? Whoever puts this on an invite has set out to judge you. They will no doubt be schmoozing their way around the party creating a mental list of everyone who has failed to deliver on the brief.
Dress code: Sexy
It’s the office Christmas party, not one of your swinging dos Karen! This is not appropriate. “Be sexy” falls into the same category as “cheer up”, “calm down” and “have fun” - all of which result in the opposite of the desired response.
Dress code: Whimsical
Ok. I’m done.
What is the best/worst dress code you have ever been subjected to?
I plan on writing more things like this in 2023 so if you enjoyed it please share it with your friends and colleagues and encourage them to subscribe to Oh Bob.
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